Best Harry Potter Innuendos 1-3…
Posted On Sunday, January 1st, 2012 By TheColourOfDark
Being a typical teenager, and Harry Potter geek; I went on a search for the best Harry Potter innuendos in the first 3 books. Here is a compilation of Harry Potter innuendos, 1-3. Will do the rest another time; though I probably should be doing something about those GCSE things…
Enjoy, you sick minded fuck. :p (Though I’m far more sick minded for writing this.)
Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone:
He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. (21)
*”As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump: ‘DUDLEY! MR DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT IT’S DOING!’” (26)
The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become… (32)
‘P-P-Petunia!’ he gasped. [...]
For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.
‘Vernon! Oh my goodness – Vernon!’ (43)
“Hagrid grunted
‘I’d like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him,’ he said.” (43)
Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling. He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn’t answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he’d bought. (52)
Hagrid looked as if he was about to explode. [...]
‘Stop!’ [Uncle Vernon] commanded. ‘Stop right there, sir!’ (59)
‘Rubeus! Rubeus Hagrid! How nice to see you again … [...] sixteen inches, rather bendy, wasn’t it?’ (94)
‘they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see.’ (138)
‘I want to hear you’re training hard, Potter, or I may change my mind about punishing you.’
Then she suddenly smiled. (166)
‘There was of course nothing at all little about Crabbe and Goyle’ (167)
looking at their dressing-gowns hanging off their shoulders and their flushed, sweaty faces. [...] It was a while before any of them said anything. Neville, indeed, looked as if he’d never speak again. (176)
‘Now, don’t forget that nice wrist movement we’ve been practising!’ (186)
A moment later, Professor McGonagall had come [...], closely followed by Snape, with Quirrell bringing up the rear. (192/193)
‘Jordan!’ growled Professor McGonagall. (205)
Hermione had disappeared. Ron turned [...] back on Harry. His broom was vibrating so hard, it was almost impossible for him to hang on much longer. [...]
‘Come on, Hermione,’ Ron muttered desperately. (207)
Reaching Snape, [Hermione] crouched down [...]
A sudden yelp told her she had done her job. (207)
‘The library? Just before the holidays? Bit keen, aren’t yeh?’
‘Oh, we’re not working.’ (213)
Something fluid and silvery grey went slithering to the floor, where it lay in gleaming folds. Ron gasped. (217)
‘I don’t know what’s got into me …’ (248)
Harry suddenly jumped to his feet.
‘Where’re you going?’ said Ron sleepily. (286)
[Hermione] raised her wand.
[...] she cried, pointing it at Neville. (294)
‘That’s hardly one swallow.’
They looked at each other. (307)
‘I’m going to have a lot of fun with Dudley this summer …’ (332)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
“Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron.” (unknown)
[...] and to his right, Ron let out a low, despairing groan.
‘Are you OK?’ Harry said urgently.
‘My wand,’ said Ron, in a shaky voice. ‘Look at my wand.’ (83)
Professor Sprout put a pink fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped [...] firmly, and pulled hard.
Harry let out a gasp of surprise that no one could hear. (103)
By the end of the class, Harry, like everyone else, was sweaty, aching and covered in earth. (105)
“said Lockhart, reaching out and grasping his shoulder. ‘I understand. Natural to want a bit more once you’ve had that first taste- and I blame myself for giving you that..” (unknown)
‘I don’t believe it, I’m still eight inches short …’ (161)
Harry sat up, suddenly wide awake.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Positive,’ said Hermione, shifting Scabbers the rat so that she could sit down on the end of his four-poster. ‘If we’re going to do it, I say it should be tonight.’ (229/230)
‘I don’t think there’ll be any more trouble, Minerva,’ [Lockhart] said, tapping his nose [...] and winking. (255)
‘Not here,’ Harry hissed, trying to escape. (257)
He tried to point this out to Ron, but Ron was having trouble with his wand again [...] and he wasn’t much interested in anything else. (259)
‘Well, er, if you must know, Ginny, er, walked in on me the other day when I was – well, never mind – the point is, she spotted me doing something and I, um, I asked her not to mention it to anybody.’ (308)
Relief – warm, sweeping, glorious relief – swept over Harry. (353)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban:
‘Thirteen and a half inches. Yes. Powerful wand, very powerful, but in the wrong hands
Hagrid- “well done Harry. Now I think he will let you ride him.”
McGonagall: “Place your right hand on my waist…”
Ron: “Where?!”
McG. “My waist.”
“‘Can we have another go? Just one more go?’ ‘Not now,’ said Lupin firmly. ‘You’ve had enough for one night.’” (242)
“‘Why so miserable, Harry?’ he said quietly. ‘You should be very proud of yourself after last night.’” (425)
That’s all folks, will do some more another time….
In the mean time: